Understanding LGBT+ Weddings
“Everyone deserves to have a wonderful wedding day, whether they be religious, traditional, or an entirely different sexuality.”
People with different identities and sexualities have existed for years, but it’s only until relatively recently that they’ve begun to receive equal rights, such as marriage. Some couples can opt for a civil partnership as well, but often marriage is the more desired choice. Since we were children, we’ve been shown that marriages are the intended outcome of relationships, and even though some people choose not to go down that route, others will still want that beautiful day that celebrates the love they have with their partner. Unfortunately, a lot of habits have formed over the years from heterosexual weddings, so we’ve thought of some ideas to help suppliers with their LGBTQ+ clients.
Let’s start off by making this part clear; the full acronym is LGBTQQIAAP, and it stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Ally, Pansexual, but it’s usually shortened to LBGTQ+. There are always more identities that can be added, and we at UPlanIt think it’s important to understand that everyone is different and that there are so many ways to love. Regrettably, there is still stigma towards this, either from ignorance, lack of understanding, or lack of will to understand. Protests pop up from time to time to argue against love, and this, in turn, leads some couples who fall under LGBTQ+ to fear planning their wedding, or even just fear the judgement of whichever supplier they choose. Some may be fearless and jump straight in or others may do background research and look into suppliers their friends recommend. These couples don’t want to be ignored or treated like a bank machine, they want to be treated the same as any other couple.
It’s a bad habit to go into an automatic speech pattern; talking to the bride and asking who the groom is, is probably not the best course of action. Asking them about their partner, whether they be LBGTQ+ or not, is often the better option. Gendered language has become heteronormative over the years, heteronormative meaning a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation. We see it in our everyday lives, and though it has become less prevalent over the years, there’s still room for improvement. There may be two brides, two grooms, or either may not identify as a binary gender at all. Non-binary gender means that the person in question either does not identify with either gender or fluctuates between the two. If you don’t understand at first, that’s fine! It (might) takes a lot of people a while to understand the idea behind things like non-binary, but all non-binary people ask is that they have the same respect as any other gender. While you don’t necessarily have to ask your prospective clients what they identify as, it’s useful to get in the habit of using neutral gendered language out of respect for your clients. Try using ‘They/Them’ pronouns instead of ‘she/her’ or ‘he/him’. It may feel a little silly at first, but a small gesture goes a long way.
Another thing to remember with some LGBTQ+ couples is that their families may not have the same structure you’re used to. The tradition we all know is that the father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle to give her away to her future husband. Now, in a non-heterosexual wedding a father may still give away their child if they want him to, but sometimes there is no father. Sometimes there isn’t even any blood-related family, because all too often when a person comes out as part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, they are rejected and shut out of the family, metaphorically left to rot on the doorstep. In a survey of LGBT+ Americans, they found that 39% say that at some point in their lives they were rejected by a family member or close friend because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. They come into the planning stage without the traditions they’ve been taught are important for a successful wedding, a dream wedding so to speak. Naturally, this would be an uncomfortable subject matter to talk about, so if you are helping plan an LGBTQ+ wedding, try to avoid any direct questions. Ask the couple about their ideas, their seating arrangements, who their wedding party is. Ask them who they prioritise rather than who/where the parents are, and if they have any preferences during the ceremony. If you can’t avoid the question of who will walk them down the aisle, you could phrase it differently — ask them if they like the idea of being walked down the aisle, and if so, who would they like to walk with?
These situations of family rejection are difficult, but the saving grace is the group of friends the person in question has. This group of friends will have been the backbone of support that person needed and transformed into a new family that they can rely on. It’s always good to ask questions about how they want to plan their wedding and be positive towards any choices the customer makes. Suggestions can be made in a neutral manner, to avoid any possible offence or upset; for example, instead of asking where the family will sit, ask about their seating plan and invite list. Non-specific questions will help ease any tensions that the couple has about planning their wedding with you, and help the couple recommend your services to others in the future.
More countries are beginning to legalise same-sex marriages, Northern Ireland being the most recent, but there’s still a long way to go for representation and full acceptance. We hope this advice will help you reassure any customers you have that you support them all the way and believe in equal rights for all identities.
Love is universal!
See you next week.
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