Organising Your Wedding Guest List | Midnight Musing
“Will anyone feel offended if I don’t invite them? Or if I end up inviting one family member over another?”
One of the tasks I love to do at work is to brainstorm blogs that people might be interested in; advice, showcasing, researching and loads of other topics. I got to talking with a colleague about how I’d organise my family since there’s a lot of them, not even thinking about my partner’s family too. See, we both have divorced parents. That’s not to say the divorced parents is the issue here — or I suppose technically it is? The issue is that since we have divorced parents and step-parents, we also have step-families that we love and want present at our wedding too, and that REALLY shoots the numbers up on the guestlist. If you think about it, it’s two sets of parents on both sides, that’s four people each — 8 parents altogether. Then there are the family members from each of the eight people, including their parents and siblings, and any children those siblings might have. It’s a lot to work out, especially if your prospective venue has a pay-per-head cost rather than a straight up price. Though both price options are useful, trying to work out the guest list when it increases for every person can be a little daunting.
I do honestly prefer pricing per head because it means we have more control over our costs and there isn’t just a fixed price for a max or min number of people. The only problem I have is the responsibility that comes with control. Will anyone feel offended if I don’t invite them? Or if I end up inviting one family member over another? I know my step-father asked me whether I’d be inviting his family and I immediately said yes just out of reflex; even if I hadn’t seen them in a while, they were still family and I wanted them to be there. I also know that I want my mother’s side and father’s side to be there as well, and that ends up being a lot of people just by itself. That’s not even taking into consideration close friends and family friends — y’know, the kind of family friend that you grew up calling them ‘auntie’ despite the fact they had no relation? That type of family friend.
It’s gonna be a long list, there’s just the matter of organising it. I just have to remember that my wedding isn’t the social event of the year that everyone needs an invite too — it’s a celebration of the union and love between my partner and I! If I separate the day into three segments (Ceremony, Wedding Breakfast, Reception) then I’ve got three opportunities to invite people. The ceremony is normally reserved for close friends and family I think, or at least that’s what I’ve been taught by going to other people’s weddings. I used to have the mindset that if I went to someone else’s ceremony, they should come to mine but then doesn’t that make it seem almost transactional and not thoughtful? I realise I may be overthinking this but I don’t want to end up inviting people I don’t want just because of tradition or because it’s expected of me. In case it wasn’t already obvious, I’m not very traditional but I do suffer from anxiety. This means I end up overthinking every little action or decision in a stressful situation, and wedding planning is one heck of a stressful situation. If I invite close family and friends to the ceremony, then that will be one segment done, and I’m not too concerned with seating arrangements at the moment. No use arranging the guest list when it isn’t finalised! Those people can come along to the meal after, to participate in the fun speeches and what-not. Then the reception could be for other friends and more distant family members who want to celebrate with us. I just have to keep an eye on the numbers. Asking for advice from family doesn’t cost anything (at least it shouldn’t) and I’m not in this alone.
The only other issue is organising each family. I’ve seen loads of table arrangements at Wedding breakfasts where the families sit with the happy couple but I genuinely think our table might buckle from the number of people there. Not to mention, despite the fact that our parents are civil, they’re still separated for a reason and forcing them to sit by each other doesn’t seem fair or comfortable somehow. With that in mind, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with assigning tables to each family group whilst my partner and I overlook the room on our own table. The anxiety tells me that we’ll look silly being by ourselves at the top of the room, but to heck with that! Sitting like a Queen on my wedding day, eating delicious food while I see my family and friends having fun — who wouldn’t want that? Not to mention there’s nothing stopping me from getting up and having a walkabout once everyone’s done with their meals. I think I’d prefer long tables if I could, that way I could end up with a gradient of the family; start at the top with my mother’s side, ease into my stepfather’s side, and do similarly for other tables. I could manage round tables of course, and I’d love to have a separate centrepiece on each table…so many choices!!
I think the point of it all is to remember that I should only invite people that I want. I’ll probably give a little lee-way to the reception for more distant family members that will be suggested but otherwise, I think I’ll end up with a good list. It’ll be a while before I’ll have the list finalised but when I do, I’m going to be undertaking the next hurdle — seating arrangements! You can bet I’ll be back making another blog all about that in the future.
Guest Written by Erin (erin@uplanit.co.uk)
See you next week.
Facebook: UPlanIt / Twitter: @uplanit_online / Instagram: @uplanit_online
